For the high-maintenance ones

and a bit about the power of being needy

There are simply those who accept 
maintenance as a responsibility 
And those who choose to deny they are worthy of care 

 just like anything needing tending to: whether a water heater, car, or human heart 

poor maintenance always ends the same: 
In either a break down 
                             or a shut down. 

The annoying-to-the-world sacred work
of rest and presence and constant care 
is proper stewardship 
that leads to breakthrough 

Because there’s nothing more faithful taking what you need

I’ve avoided being high maintenance my whole life. 

I never wanted to be that person. You know, the one with all the special requests. In fact, as a kid, I saw it as a weakness when I heard people state a need and then take something for themselves. (the audacity!)

So I did the opposite.

No, I don’t need a shower at my friend’s house after a big game. I don’t need anything on the side at a restaurant. I don’t need a jacket, I don’t need more water, I don’t need to wash clothes during my visit. I don’t need a friend. I don’t need encouragement. No, no, no. I have no needs. 

After a year of unforeseen obstacles, I feel strong, and weak, and grateful, and full of sorrow. The last year held so many moments that split my life into before and after. 

My proximity to my grief and the grief of others has changed me forever. Because in the pain, in the confusion, in the questions… I felt undeniable need. Needy.

The craziest part? I think, maybe, needing made me better. Made me stronger. 

My list of wants are endless. My hope for healing and miracles is ever present. But my acknowledgement of needs? It felt selfish. Trivial. But when I really let myself be still, when I let myself ask for what I needed, it wasn’t met with the shame or pity I expected.

It was met with provision. 

I’m getting the sense that God wants me to acknowledge what I need. Like maybe it’s even essential in our relationship. In His silence (and there was A LOT of silence) was a constant present invitation to say what felt unsayable. 

The truth is that I am high-maintenance. 

Not just in the “no nuts, no cheese, no gluten” kind of way (which ironically is now part of my daily life, but that’s for another day), but in the “I can’t do this alone” kind of way. I need a lot. I need more than ever. Accepting that is like a sigh of relief.

I need help. I need God. I need endurance. I need forgiveness. I need to cry. I need a break. I need more. I need less. I need rest. 

Just like that- I’m exactly who I never wanted to be. I’m high-maintenance and full of needs. And you know what? I think it might be the very thing that saves me. 

---

So… Just for today. Just for right now. What do you need?

Will you let us need you today, Lord?
Give us the courage to be needy!
To be human. To need help. To need YOU.
Invite us to your feet with humility on our hearts. 
Unbind us from the idea that we can do it all,
and replace it with a longing for grace. 

Amen.